Ohio Players - Funky Worm

I assumed Funky Worm was some sort of post-coital condition but as it turns out, the Ohio Players were referring to a literal worm that plays guitar ‘without any hands (pretty good I might add!)’. That’s not a misprint. ‘Funky Worm’ is a song about a worm that lives underground, is a musician, and is managed by an old woman only identified as ‘Granny’ who provides backing vocals on the song to boot. Finally, this story has been told! I can only imagine how much fucking blow was going around the studio while this idea was being cooked up. This song is notable for its use of the squiggly synthesizer lead that has resurfaced in both the many, many songs that have sampled it directly (N.W.A.’s ‘Dopeman’, Xzibit’s ‘Pussy Pop’ (!), Dr. Dre’s intro to ‘The Chronic’, to name a few)  but also the many that have emulated its sound - it’s hard not to picture a caddy bouncing on hydraulics when that first synth lead kicks in, and I just poured out a sip of coffee for my dead homies.

Speaking of death, there was a popular rumour floating around about the Ohio Players that their song ‘Love Rollercoaster’, which uses rollercoasters as a metaphor for love - love has a long lineup, seats 20, makes you barf - contained the scream of a woman as she was being murdered. The band themselves willfully did not deny the rumour as it helped them sell records. It says a lot about the confusion of 1975 America that the idea of a song about how exciting love is that possibly contained a hidden recording of a woman’s murder was appealing to the masses. Again, blow. Lots of it.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an appointment with Dr. Dre to get some sort of ointment for my chronic case of funky worm.