Jane Birkin - Jane B.

Hubba Hubba.

Jane Birkin, born in 1946, is a lovely and successful actress/singer/piece of ass from London, England. She was only 17 when film composer John Barry got his grubby Brit-mitts on her. Barry had cast her in his 1965 musical Passion Flower Hotel, and the two were married shortly after. You’re right, this was terribly upsetting news. Thankfully this crazy world has a funny way of balancing out, and at the age of 20, in the 1966 Antonioni classic Blow-Up, Birkin shed her clothes, for me, to reveal her most fantastic and sacredest of areas for all to see. Her marriage to Barry ended soon after and in 1968 Birkin would audition for, and land a role in, the frenchy film Slogan opposite Serge Gainsbourg. Gainsbourg, who had recently split with Brigitte Bardot, and had an unfathomable number of women quite literally throwing themselves at him, chose to settle down with the foxy Birkin.

By 1969 the two were pounding at a spectacular rate, so much so that there was a handbag designed in honour of Birkin’s, how should I put this, “pound receptacle”. Crafted by French high-fashion house Hermès, the ‘Birkin Bag’ costs roughly $7,500 USD, and at times can reach even five or six digit prices — particularly when the bag is made of exotic animal skins, which makes sense to me. The waiting list for one of these Birkin Bags is said to be over two years, which again, according to the picture below, makes perfect sense. I’d get in line for that. But, whatever. All this talk of snake skin moldings of Jane Birkin’s woman parts is getting me more worked up than is should.

This song, “Jane B.” is taken from Birkin’s 1969 debut album Jane Birkin Serge Gainsbourg. My french is a little rusty, but as best I can tell Birkin sings about how awesome she is, how blue her eyes are, how much she loves me, and basically how much everyone wants to nail her in general.